what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
