Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
