I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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