You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
