Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
