i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
