I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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