she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
