the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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