I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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