hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
