Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
