i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
