Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
