Kiss
Puke
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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