Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
