I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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