im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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