We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
