I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize