went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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