Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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