How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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