I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
