No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
