I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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