I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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