First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
