i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
