New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
