I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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