Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
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I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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