We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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