whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
