Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
