life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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