I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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