True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
