Jerry, you need to find god
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
