Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
