just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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