Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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