Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
