It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
