Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
