Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
