i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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