UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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