Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
