Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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