I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
