just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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