As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
