I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
