well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
