Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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