My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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