I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
