Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
