Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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