You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
