please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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