i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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