i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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