so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
