Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
