Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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