FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
