I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
