i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
