this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
