my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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