I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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