I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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