Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
