I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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