Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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