There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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