I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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