Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
