I'm gonna have a badass scar
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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