if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
