dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
