..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
